I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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