I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
