dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
