Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize