just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
