my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
