Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
