don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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