I accidentally had phone sex last night
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
