I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
