On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
