Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You ate ashes out of my bong
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
