someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
did you just send me my own nude
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize