I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
