he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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