Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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