loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize