Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
