Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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