He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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