So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
