He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
