We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
