He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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