wat bout pragnant strippers??
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
