And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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