i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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