cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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