just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
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