He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
