Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
