you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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