I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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