I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
