mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
