You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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