I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It's rum buckets o'clock
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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