even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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