Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I will pee on everything he values.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
