Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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