I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
