so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
