By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
