Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry McFly88MPH hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(816): View more from Missouri

I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.

Fav 50 1088 6774
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.

Fav 13 4042 1533
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(734): View more from Michigan

Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?

Fav 7 3304 999
share tweet
(815): View more from Illinois

my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves

Fav 28 5565 1341
share tweet
(201): View more from New Jersey

There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment

Fav 2 851 1649
share tweet
(907): View more from Alaska

Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"

(414): View more from Wisconsin

I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea

Fav 19 1486 2674
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(703): View more from Virginia

A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?

Fav 6 956 704
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(401): View more from Rhode Island

He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed

Fav 2 911 468
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(813): View more from Florida

She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.

Fav 0 62 16
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT