If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
