I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Randomize
