I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
