Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
worst night to have a conscience
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
