The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Boobs speak an international language.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
