I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
