Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
