I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
