dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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