Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I will be naked everywhere
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
