Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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