Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
