No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
