a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
