Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
