i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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