I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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