Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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