I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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