I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
