Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
