Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
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