Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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